You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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