My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
