Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
