I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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