I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
