I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
