My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I smell stomach acid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
