apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
