you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
