i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
