Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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