If that was your dad, he is hot
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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