singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
