I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
