She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize