It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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