I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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