Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
