why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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