...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
