2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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