Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
In America we eat man semen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
