Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
