I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
