If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
