your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
