I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
