Do vagina's smell?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
