did you get engaged???
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
