"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
