do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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