but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
