i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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