You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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