if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize