guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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