So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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