Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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