If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
