So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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