No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
