Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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