24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
