I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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