I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
