I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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