I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
