just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
