cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
