I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
