I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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