Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
