A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
