I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
