party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
