Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
