final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
