Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
