very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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