I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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