You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
